May. 20th, 2017

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So, in addition to my cat, extra cat (whom I believe to be preggers), Hal the hobo bobcat-hybrid, Ringo the opossum, and tiny skonk, I now have the being I think of as "eye contact raccoon" coming to the apartment-door buffet, so named because it peers through the crack in the door and makes intense eye contact with me when it shows up for snacks. Shall attempt to get a picture.

Meanwhile, down at the salt mines, I am in trouble because I have been scheduled to work the same shift twice three days this week and only showed up once, because I adhere to Niven's Law, and do not do much non-standard time-traveling. (That is, I was scheduled as two separate entities and only showed up as one, and got pointed for it. Mitosis is NOT listed on my CV: you have to pay extra for the funny stuff.) Manager has not yet written me back about this, but I have surprised myself by standing up and yelling "hey!" about it.

It occurs to me from a reply I never posted to a comment the gorgeous-gammed abnormal_apathy left on my journal that I make the CLASSIC co-dependent move in work: I tend to work for places that are super-dysfunctional, because, while in many ways, I really rock, in some ways, I really suck, and I feel like normal workplaces wouldn't have me. (E.g. I can do great work or I can show up with my hair brushed and and legs shaved, but not both. I can fix the ever-living FUCK out of your spreadsheets, but I'll need to wear a jacket indoors if it's the 65 or lower most males seem to prefer. I can't feign interest in sports, and I have a bladder the size of a walnut.) Not sure what to do with that.

Also noticed that my sales ("conversion") soars when I'm happy and plummets when I'm ill or exhausted. Not sure what to do about that. For one thing, hey, you know me, former child molester and current toxic mess of a human being. I don't DESERVE to be happy, and I never will, no matter what I do or become. For another thing, how insanely unprofessional is it to let my work suffer because my pwecious fee-fees are not super-duper-squeaky happy? Answer: very, very unprofessional. This shit is why they don't want women or millennials in the workplace. (I am way, way too old to be a millennial, but that sort of entitled, toxic bullshit is exactly the worst part of working with the millennial-generation according to this 24-hour news cycle's 937 hand-wringing articles about What Is Wrong With the Young Folks.) And yet... if I am being paid to be good at my job, and feeling happy makes me good at my job, do I have the right not to try to be happy? Ugh. People like me are why there is no justice in the world.

Really, really like my dollar store's current brand of veggie burger. I think veggie burgers are great, if you think of them as themselves and not as a substitute for cow burgers. For that matter, I think beef burgers are great--- if you don't think of them as a substitute for veggie burgers. (Or consider the environmental cost, ugh.)
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I'm making a mix jump drive to send to the D.J. of the Archon dance. Love con dancing, it's a major reason to go, but dang, it was pretty much "Billboard's Top Twenty," from the last four years, "songs appreciating large-rumped women," and "Numa Numa." Over and over. Can I just re-emphasize that? The Numa Numa song. Over and over. [ETA: okay, looking back, it wasn't Numa Numa over and over, just once, but man, way too many repeats of "I Don't Care." This may have been requests, though.] Bruno Mars and Megan Trainor have their place, but. Um. I do NOT want to have to cut a bitch this year, my Frigga costume is not body-disposal friendly.

Off the top of my head, some of my favorite dance songs, necessarily retro, I'm grandma-aged:

1. "Living Dead Girl," Rob Zombie;
2. "Thermostat," They Might Be Giants;
3. "Birdhouse in Your Soul," They Might Be Giants;
4. "Discoteka," Starkillers (the DJ Steveboy mix from Podrunner is my favorite, don't judge);
5. Every goddamn things Shakira has ever hummed because that woman is a fucking goddess and can make me compulsively shake your my ass to "Happy Birthday to You" sung in a baby duck's voice;
6. "Dancing With Myself," Billy Idol;
7. "Now You Will Pay," Laibach;
8. "Dancing in the Dark," Bruce Springsteen;
9. "Breakfast in Vegas," Praga Khan;
10. "Woodchopper's Ball," Woody Herman;
11. "Raise Your Glass," P!nk;
12. "WTF," Missy Elliot;
13. "Milkshake," Kelis;
14. "Kambakkht Ishq," Anu Malik;
15. "Shake It Off," Taylor Swift;
16. "Diplo Rhythm," Diplo;
17. "Come, Baby, Come," K-7;
18. [redacted because Dr. Luke is an asshole. Free Ke$ha!];
19. "Caramelldansen," by the, uh, Carameldansen peoplel;
20. "Can't Touch This," M.C. Hammer;
21. "'Pon de Replay," Rihanna;
22. "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" Jet;
23. "Funkytown," Lipps, Inc.
24. "Girls in Dirty Magazines," Candy Shop
25. "Less Talk, More Rock," Freezepop;
26. "You'll Rebel to Anything," Mindless Self-Indulgence;
27. Selections from Star Wars and Other Galactic Funk, Miko;
28. "Starship Trooper," Sarah Brightman and Hot Gossip;
29. "Jai Ho," Sukhwinder Singh;
30. "Buttons," Pussycat Dolls;
31. "Just the Girl You Want," Devo;
32. "Turning Japanese," the Vapors;
33. "Three Spoons of Suga," the Sugababes;
34. "Lose My Breath," Destiny's Child

(Don't judge, this is just the stuff that is ingrained in my musical DNA and floating on the top. But DANG I need more women's voices here!) (The mighty Attercap has me burrowing in Chromeo, Space Capone, and Asteroids Galaxy Tour, which reminds me of Dragonette, which reminds me...)

Help me, young people of Internet-land. You're my only hope.


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