Mar. 24th, 2017

A quandary

Mar. 24th, 2017 05:11 pm
spikethemuffin: (Gardening)
I have to preface this by saying this sort of blogging is why I don't have friends: it's why Catherine ran away from home; it's why Jenice decided to stop being my friend (and trying to pay rent); and the very existence of this blog is why, when I was dating a monogamous guy and actually getting the whole "monogamy" thing, my then-boyfriend decided that cheating was okay if your girlfriend is the sort of asshole who has a blog and tries to conceal its existence from you. (Protip: if your girlfriend is any sort of an asshole, leaving is what is okay. Leaving is always okay.)

But putting things out there gets good perspectives and reading the stuff I've written post-"crisis" is one of the best ways I've found to get a handle on lasting change.

So, my question:

Is it ethical/ advisable to accept money here?

My neighborish occasionally gives me rides if she sees me walking. Her daughter is dating my kids' roommate-cum-landlord. A few months back, it looked like her father was dying, and she asked if I could keep her two Labrador retrievers at my house for a day and a half. I am on "two strikes" with my landlord for keeping more than one pet at my house, but I figured there are more important things in life than not getting evicted, and the chance was very, very small that it would be a problem.

A couple of days ago, she texted me that she had checked with my daughter; she was dropping the dogs off for a five-day trip today. Sorry! She didn't have any other options! (My daughter was under the impression that I'd be house-sitting at her place.) Neighborish insists that she will pay me when she gets back.

I'm sitting for the dogs, but not happy. My apartment is less than 400 square feet. I have energy issues, and because I don't have a yard, the dogs need to be walked four times a day for about an hour at a time. I have managed to break them of barking every time someone comes or goes in our busy apartment complex, but the first few hours of this could not have been pleasant for my neighbors (we can literally bless each other through the walls after vigorous sneezing). The dogs are very allergic to the food they are being fed, and the apartment now reeks of them. My cat is pissed. I can't cook meaningfully. I am afraid of being evicted.

I don't want this to happen again.

My plan is to tell her I cannot dog sit until I move to a place when it is okay for me to have dogs. (I will sit for her again if she needs it and I can; someone needs to.)

I don't think I am being unreasonable. I think there's a difference between "my father is dying, please take care of my dogs for 36 hours" and "my cousin can't take care of my dogs for my Branson vacation, so you are taking my dogs for five days byeeee." But, socially awkward and boundary issues, so maybe I really am being unreasonable? And getting mad doesn't help things for me, her, or the dogs.

I could very much use the money, if only to pay for rug shampooer rental. But:

1. It's clear she's over-extended herself on the trip, and it isn't okay for me to take money she can't afford;
2. If I take money, she may think this is okay and plan on my support for later emergencies;
3. It's against the terms of my lease;
4. It's very possible this apartment and the surrounding area has dog fleas; she will need to get these treated, and that costs about what the last figure she mentioned would be. ($75.)

BUT if I don't take the money, I feel she will feel slighted and use the reasons she has to be angry at me (possible flea infestation, the fact that she thought that she could count on me in the future and now this freedom has been taken away from her; fear that I am bad-mouthing her to our mutual acquaintances [or passive-aggressively blogging about it to people she does not know]; thinking that I may be lying about the landlord thing [I'm not]). She has made some oblique comments about possibly being "get even" sort. I worry that she will see about finding a way to get me or my kids evicted, or get me fired (she knows where I work and that I'm not "supposed" to be working from home). She was perfectly within her rights to ask this of me, but a little out of line: I find this usually causes defensive "no, YOU'RE awful," in humans. (Including myself. Sigh. Working on that.)

So, don't be a bitch and get paid, or be a bitch and decrease the chances of being called upon to be a patsy in the future? It seems pretty cut-and-dried, right? On paper. But my being a doormat causes HUGE problems in my life. I'm thinking I'm going to be firm.
spikethemuffin: (Gardening)
Holy crap, this is the real reason self-driving cars are going to be imperative: aging population needing freedom to drive.

More later.

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