Feb. 28th, 2017

spikethemuffin: (Gardening)
I have not been... good to my body in the past few weeks. The increased work load took its toll. I know I need to re-evaluate my synthetic thyroid dosage, but I just keep finding new reasons why I can't afford the co-pay for testing. I ran out of the levothyroxine unexpectedly and could not get to the pharmacy for several days. I ran out of tea and could not get to a place that sold tea, so I bought soda to add the caffeine focus I needed. I had a gallbladder attack, which I have learned is what often happens when I forget to eat for a few days, then overcompensate (especially if you add soda into the mix, yeesh).

So my belly started itching, horribly. When I went to take a bath, I should not have been surprised to find it puffed up, convex, and covered with welts the color of dried blood. My first instinct was to scream at myself internally: obviously, no matter what the scale says, I had been gaining weight so fast I was getting stretch marks and say horrible things to myself about my size and shape. "No," I thought to myself, "I will NOT check to see if these are stretch marks." Instead, I said out loud to my body: "You are my beautiful, healthy body and I love you."

And darned if not thirty seconds later, my abdominal muscles were showing again, and the livid marks had faded visibly. (They are still there, but they are definitely not stretch marks per se, just the hickey-like blotches I get when I scratch too vigorously. Upon leaving the bath, I have them on the back of my neck and the top of my back, too--- NOT places I tend to gain weight.) It felt not a little miraculous.

I am glad to have learned to accept my body. I think acceptance is doing so much more for me than shame.

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spikethemuffin

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